Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
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All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
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I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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