it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
worst night to have a conscience
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
