Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
