he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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