eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Shame is for Republicans.
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