i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
