Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
