Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
