Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
