what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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