If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
