I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
