Sorry, I don't speak sober.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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