chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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