we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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