I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
