just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
you made out with another girl for some wings
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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