What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
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Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
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Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize