Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
