Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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