first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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