I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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