"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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