do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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