he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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