He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
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Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
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Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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