I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
