TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
