my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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