You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Too much gin, very little bucket
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The feeling are messing with the penis
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
