Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
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then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
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How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
In other news, I just burned my penis
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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