i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
