Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
