you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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