It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
