He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
