I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
