Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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