im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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