hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
