Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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