all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
