My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
