talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
