remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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