She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
