It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
