Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize