I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
