So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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