ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
