I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
