I showed him my bush... on skype.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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