So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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