Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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