All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
