i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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