Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
