I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
